"Show, don't tell" Exercises

Exercise #1: Directions: Convert the following generalizations or "telling" statements into paragraphs that evoke 3 of the 5 senses and use specific examples to show the reader that the general statements are true. When you are done, print out your work and circle the sentences that evoke sensory impressions and indicate the senses they evoke in the margins. Also, circle the details that illustrate a generalization and number them in the margins.

1. We experience an Indian Summer in late fall. The warm air and sunny weather feel good.

1.

2. Swinging above a raging stream by the roots of a tree embedded in a cliff, I was scared.

2.

3. Looking from the bridge I saw a big trout moving in the stream. The sight was calming.

3.

4. Walking through an ancient rainforest is cool because there is so much growth and stuff.

4.

21. Show, don't tell

ANSWERS ARE IN BOLD

1. We experience an Indian Summer in late fall. The warm air and sunny weather feel good.

1. It is comfortable to sit on the rock since the sun is directly above me. It warms me with the glow of autumn. I feel the sun's rays against my face. The crisp, autumn air, usually as cold as the early morning frost on the meadow grass, is tempered by the sun's warmth. When I breath all I hear are my soft inhalations and exhalations; I do not see my beath dissipate into smoked mist, nor do I feel the sharp chill of frost-filled air in the depths of my lungs. The autumn air is now warmer, for a time, and filled with the scent of pines and the musk of fallen leaves in the early process of decay.

-notice how the senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, and smelling are evoked.

2. Swinging above a raging stream by the roots of a tree embedded in a cliff, I was scared.

2. Adapted from Herman Melville's Typee:

As one after another of the treacherous roots yielded to my grasp and fell into the torrent, my heart sank within me. The roots on which I was suspended over the yawning chasm swung to and fro in the air, and I expected them, to break in two. I could feel the cold spray of the raging stream as the water crashed againt and over rocks below. Appalled at the dreadful fate that menaced me, I clutched frantically at the only large root which remained near me; I could not reach it, though my fingers were in a few inches of it. Again and again I tried to reach it, until at length, maddened with the thought of my situation, I swayed myself violently by striking my foot against the side of the rock, and that instant that I approached the large root, clutched desperately at it and transferred myself to it. It vibrated violently under the sudden weight but fortunately did not give way.

3. Looking from the bridge I saw a big trout moving in the stream.The sight was calming.

3. Ernest Hemingway in "Big Two Hearted River": (adapted)

Nick looked down into the pool from the bridge. It was a hot day. The sun was high and the temperature exceeded 90 degrees. A kingfisher flew up the stream. It was a long time since Nick had looked into a stream and seen trout. They were very satisfactory. As the shadow of a kingfisher moved up the stream, a big trout shot upstream in a long angle- only his shadow marking the angle. The shadow was then lost as he came through the surface of the water, caught the sun, and, then, as he went back into the stream under the surface, his shadow seemed to float down the stream with the current, unresisting, to his post under the bridge.

Nick's hear tightened as the trout moved. He felt all the old feeling."

4. Walking through an ancient rainforest is cool because there is so much growth and stuff.

4.Gerald Durrell in The Overloaded Ark :

As you enter the forest, your eyes used to the glare of the sun, it seems dark and shadowy and as cool as a butter dish. The light is filtered through a million leaves and has a green aquarium-like quality which makes everything seem unreal. The centuries of dead leaves that have fluttered to the ground have provided a rich layer of mold, soft as any carpet, and exhort a pleasant earthy smell. On every side are the huge trees with their great curling buttress roots, their thick, smooth trunks towering hundreds of feet above, their head foliage and branches merging indistinguishably into the endless green roof of the forest. Between these the floor of the forest is covered with the young trees, thin tender growths just shaken free of the cradle of leaf mold, long thin stalks with a handful of pale, green leaves on top. They stand in the everlasting shade of their parents, ready for the great effort of shooting up to the life-giving sun. In between their thin trunks, rambling across the floor of the forest, faint paths twist and turn.